Day 29 (metaphorically speaking...)

"Come on. Let's walk to the store."

They just stared at me.

If I had asked them if I could build a home out of fairy wings and unicorn tails I would have elicited the same response.

They simply stared, hoping that if they remained very still and made no sudden movements the crazy person harassing them would get bored and walk away.

No such luck.

"Come on. We just had that huge dinner. We'll walk it off. It will be fun."

"Ugh. Je-e-en. You go. We'll wait in the car."

"What?! No! I am in town visiting and we are spending time together! We are all walking to the store!"

I looked to my fiancee for back up.

My betrothed must have developed a very sudden and very keen interest in the ground because that was where his gaze was promptly fixed.

Did he not want to walk to the store either???

"People! What is wrong with you?!? Walking is great!"

"Can we just drive there?"

"No, we cannot drive there! That is ridiculous! Are we really having this conversation?!?"

"Ugh. Fine. You are so annoying."

I am annoying.

Often.

I admit that.

But this (one) time, I was not being annoying.

The store in question...the store that nobody would accompany me too...that store was not 10 miles away....

It was not 5 miles away....

It was not down the street...

That store...was ACROSS THE PARKING LOT!

We were going there to get ice cream.

Everyone wanted the ice cream.

No one wanted to walk the 30 feet to get it.

The human body is meant to move. It is meant to be decorated, celebrated, relished, adored. It is meant to do this:

Well, Tavi's body is meant to do that.

Tavi is in the circus.

But still...that...THAT....is what the human body can do***.

We move our bodies because it is a privilege to savor the magic and wonder of it's capabilities.

We move our bodies because they are on short loan and they are ours to luxuriate in only for this briefest of moments and we must gobble every second we can.

We move our bodies because the ice cream is located across the parking lot and if we want to stuff our faces with chocolate chip cookie dough for the rest of the night we pick our butts up and walk to go get it.

***That is why we workout.

Many apologies for the delay.

A Letter to My Blog

Dear My Blog,

I know.

You don't need to say a word.

That, "Well, look who finally decided to show up!" look says it all.

I know.

It's been to long.

Many apologies sweet Blog.

Many apologies.

Now what was I saying???

Something about working out....

Day 28

So, I gave you the easy tips and they are so easy that I am sure you are happily munching away on a piece of fruit as you read this. 

I'm sure you are only pausing for a moment before lacing up your workout sneakers, taking your empty soda bottles down to the recycling bin and going out for a light jog.

That's nice.

But maybe we should go over why  these are good things to do.

You know...

just for kicks.

Eat fruit in the morning.  But only in the morning.  And not with any other food.

The more raw food you eat the better you feel.  

By committing to eat fruit for breakfast you are guaranteeing that 1/3 of your diet will be all raw.  

How easy is that??? 

One meal out of your day and you are 1/3 closer to becoming a raw foodist. 

You didn't even have to start wearing recycled clothes or doing yoga. 

(yet...)

Ah, but here is the catch.  

And this is the less easy part.  

It is also the part where I can feel people politely nodding and silently ignoring everything I'm saying.

You need to eat the fruit BY ITSELF.

Don't put it in, on or around any other food.

Yogurt...no.

Cottage cheese...no.

Pizza...no.

Fruit is the fastest digesting food one can eat.  When you pair it with a slower digesting food the body will start to digest the more difficult food first.  It will leave the fruit just hanging out in your stomach...fermenting.  When food ferments it is basically just rotting in your stomach.  

That is what causes gas and bloating.  

You shouldn't eat any other food for at least one hour after you have fruit.  

Which leads me to my next point...

Eat your protein.  Eat your carbs.  Just don't eat them together.

One of the most underrated aspects of health is your digestion. 

If you are not properly digesting your food, then, even if you are eating "healthy" foods your body is not getting the benefits from those foods.  

Whatever your body can't digest it stores.  

And it is certainly not crazy enough to store that excess in your brain, liver, or heart since it thinks you are probably going to need those at some point.  

So where does it store the excess??? 

Well, on your butt, of course!  

Plenty of room to grow there!  

The butt itself doesn't care whether it is big or small. 

But I'm banking on the fact that you do care.

  

To say nothing of the fact that the stomach is the immune system. 

A litany of ailments big and small originate from poor digestive function.

It behooves all of us to support our digestion as best we can.

By taking care of our stomachs we can, literally and figuratively, save our butts.

Now I'll save us all the boredom of wading through the technical mumbo jumbo and just break it down like this:

When proteins (eggs, meats, fish) are eaten with carbs (breads, rice, pasta) your stomach secretes two different digestive enzymes necessary to digest those respective things.  Those enzymes render each other neutral and digest nothing leaving everything to rot in your belly.

I can feel your eyes glazing over.

Ok.

Let me try to explain it like this:

When you eat a turkey sandwich, the reason you feel full is because nothing is digesting.  

It is just sitting like a brick in your stomach rotting.

Maybe you're just going to have to trust me on this one.

Try it yourself.

Proteins with vegetables

or

Carbs with vegetables

but NO proteins and carbs together.

This one little change can cause a huge difference in your energy level and overall wellness.

As a side note...

Beans are the exception.

They can be eaten with anything.

Except fruit.

Wow.

That is a lot to digest.  

Pun very much intended.

That is enough for today.  

I'll cover the other easy tips tomorrow.

Enjoy your jog.

:)

Day 27

These are the easy tips.

The hard tips are for another day.

But since I am already warning you that these are the easy ones, you can unroll your eyes and stop whining: 

"Jee-en, we already know all this!"

If you already know it, then great.  Super for you.

Your jeans fit.

Your skin is aglow.

By all means, continue about your evening of snacking on raw vegetables and meditating.

For those of you (and by "you" I mean me) who, for the past couple of weeks, have been subsisting on a diet of beer and buttercream frosting....

Let's start with the easy tips.

I'm going to assume it is a given that we will be putting the frosting down.

1. Eat fruit in the morning.  But only in the morning.  And not with any other food.
2. Eat your protein.  Eat your carbs.  Just don't eat them together.
   
3. Workout.  Working out will not make you lose weight, but you can't lose weight without working out.
   
4. Stop drinking soda.  It is nothing but liquid confusion for your body.  And no, you can't have diet either.  And while you are at it, cool it with the beer.
   
5. Eat food.  
   

So simple....

So facile....

No need for a lengthy, dissertation about why you should do these things....

Oh, ok. 

You talked me into it.

I will bore you with why you should do these things tomorrow.

Day...uh, who can remember?

Did I say I would be back the 27th???

I meant the 11th.

Yep.  The 11th.

So...just to recap...this is a 30 day detox which is currently on its 49th day.  

Out of those 49 days I've actually followed the detox for about...

5 days.

This has not been what one would classify as a raging success.

I now admit (Erin) starting a detox over the holidays was not the best laid plan.

But, to be honest...

I don't think I like detoxes.

They kinda make me feel like an anorexic middle schooler.

So what to do, what to do?

Four days left on a detox that has long since outstayed its welcome.

I mean, we could just forget about this whole thing.

It is only four little days...

Darn it!

No! 

I promised 30 days and 30 days you shall get!

Let us begin as we started.  

Let us pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start all over again.

Let us haul ourselves across this finish line sweaty, sore and covered in gluten!

As Confucius said:

‘It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop.’ 

Although, I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about a detox.

Tomorrow:

5 super easy (well, kinda easy) tips to get you started eating healthy.

Time Out

Sorry, guys.  I have to take a blogging break.

I will still be sticking to (or, rather, trying to stick to) the program, 

but I'm not going to be near my computer for the next week.  

I'll be back Dec. 27th and I'll pick up where we left off then.

Until then, I hope everyone has a VERY Happy Holiday filled with love, laughter and fresh vegetables.

:)

Day 26

You've woken up covered in crumbs and cloaked in regret.

Now what???

What is your day after plan???

Eat vegetables and do cardio.

That's it.

Now let me tell you why.

When you overeat, you are essentially treating your body like an overworked, underpaid intern whom you slog all of your undesirable drudgery onto.

"Ummm, Sweetie, will you be a doll and do something with this?"

Your body agrees because it wants to please you, but it has no earthly clue what do with what you just handed it.  It doesn't recognize it and it doesn't know where it goes and the more of these indecipherable goopy doodads you pile into your body the more overwhelmed it gets and the more it begins to panic and the more it just tries to stash these goopy doodads anywhere it can fit them.

Namely on your butt.

So stop. 

Give it a rest.  

You had your fun and now it is your turn to pick up some of the slack.

You are going to want to make your body's digestion workload as light as possible to make up for overworking it the night before.

Eat vegetables.

And only vegetables.

All day.

Or for as long as you can stand it.

(If you get famished eat some brown rice or some beans.)

Your inner intern will be happy to see them.

Vegetables are the cleaning crew.  Then get in there and clear the gunk out.  

They, quite literally, get the goopy doodads out of your butt.

If you can juice your vegetables or eat a vegetable based soup, all the better.

And then get that butt moving.

Cardio detoxifies.

Cardio inspires.

Cardio can bring a house lump back from the brink.

Get moving.

Get sweating.

Put as much effort into the cardio as you put into the four slices of pizza.

But mostly, don't make yourself feel bad.

Just remember that your body works on the principle that what goes in must come out.

Too much in...you need to give it time to get it out.

It is important to be kind to your inner intern.

Give her proper rest and adequate breaks.

Because, as any good business person will tell you, you abuse an intern...

and that b*tch WILL get you back.